do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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