College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
