speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
