About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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