How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
