Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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