I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wear drunk well.
false alarm, still single
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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