I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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