are you still at the devil's house?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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