Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
