Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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