i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
