First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
