I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize