Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
