Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
