sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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