I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
