[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize