I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
