I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
