Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
