Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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