How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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