Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
