I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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