I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
