Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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