so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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