Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
