Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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