I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
