I just pynch a tree in the face
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
