I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
