woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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