yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
