I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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