And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
