so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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