you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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