she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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