i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
