just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
