Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
