can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
