Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
