Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
