I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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