ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
