u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
