Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
