are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
