I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
