come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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