I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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