im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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