I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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