I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
