Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
