i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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