Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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