i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
