Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
