Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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