Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
