if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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