he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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