my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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